Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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