the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
