everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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