I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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