he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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