I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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