Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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