Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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