If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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