OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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