i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
