I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Randomize
