the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
