I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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