fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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