I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
