They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
