So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
