I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
