We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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