we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
