I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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