Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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