yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
