I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
