Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
