Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
