dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
