I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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