:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
