he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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