I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
