Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
