So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Is it because I queefed?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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