also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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