Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
