Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
