after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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