Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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