im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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