New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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