I am puke
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
should my penis look like a turkey
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
