11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
