I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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