Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
