Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
