YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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