I'm pants shitting drunk right now
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
