I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
No subtext here. People are naked.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
