So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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