at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
