Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
