I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
