honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
