All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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