if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
